What, however, of mothers who have never had or adopted children. Do we recognize their contributions on an individual as well as a societal level?

Some of you might be scratching your heads. “Mothers who have never had or adopted children?” you are asking yourselves, “Isn’t that a contradiction in terms?” And the answer is yes, mothers who have never had or adopted children and no it is not a contradiction in terms.

There is being a mother by way of biology. There is being a mother by way of adoption. And there is being a mother by way of action, even when it is not supported by biology or adoption. What of all the aunts, cousins, next door neighbors and friends – women who do not have children of their own – who often step into the role of mother but do it without carrying that title?

These women often act in the same ways as “official” mothers. They work as caretakers and educators. And they bestow upon those in their charge much love.

Where would society be without the aunt who, having no children of her own, freely nurtures her nieces and nephews? Often, these aunts share in the process of child rearing to such an extent that the actual mothers of these children have more time available to work or pursue an education. What is the net economic benefit of this to society?

What about the neighbor who might not work and might not have children of her own but is always there with a helping hand to care for neighborhood kids? And, of course, what of the childless godmother who gives her all in the raising of her godchildren? Not only do these good women provide essential love to these children, they have a positive economic impact on society.

Let’s give thanks to all mothers, grandmothers, great-grandmothers, etc., not simply those with the official title but those who fulfill that role by way of action. Women who are childless yet take upon themselves the role of mother make a valuable contribution to society, economically and otherwise.

*A very smart person made me aware of this powerful concept of mothers who have never had or adopted children. I thank them.

Image: Salvatore Vuono / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

*Authors note: You might see this column pop up online in a newspaper, under the name Both Sides. I am publishing this column here first at CYInterview.com. For a bunch of years, I have been writing newspaper columns. Since my columns have received a good response on CYInterview, I thought I would share it with you. Hope you enjoy.

You can reach me with your questions and comments at Jay@CYinterview.com

In many contexts, it is easy to see that communication is persuasive. When a person has a clear objective and makes it readily known, we can tell that what they are doing is an act of persuasion. For example, imagine your friends are discussing what restaurant to eat at. You say, “I would love some Italian food,” or “You know, there are lots of good restaurants to go to, but I hear Mediterranean cuisine is very healthy.” It should seem obvious you are working to influence their decision. You are attempting to persuade them to go where you want to go.

However, what about when someone says good morning to you or simply says hello? Could that possibly be persuasive communication? Isn’t it just part of basic dialog which carries with it no persuasive component? I say no.

Every time we speak, we are doing that speaking from a unique point of view. We are speaking from our particular vantage point in the world. What is persuasive about saying hello to someone? On one level, it is an act of courtesy which seeks to persuade another person that, at the very least, we are courteous. But it is more than that.

Every single time we speak, no matter how banal the topic, no matter how short the message, we are planting a flag of personal, existential significance. In an often complex and confusing world, we want to persuade others, as well as ourselves, that we exist. When we speak, it is at very least a persuasive cry to be paid attention to.

The challenge we have when we discuss communication is that we often fail to realize that any piece of communication: spoken, written, body language, etc, has a goal – stated or unstated, conscious or subconscious. When we wake up to the reality that communication by its very nature is persuasive, we become better able to take in the messages we are receiving and contextualize them with our own perspectives, needs and desires.

Becoming a better communicator means becoming more persuasive. The first step to becoming more persuasive is being able to understand the fundamental nature of communication in the first place.

Image: Master isolated images / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

You can reach me with your questions and comments at Jay@CYinterview.com

In a philosophy course I took in college, the professor started out by stating that one of the most basic philosophical quests is to discern appearance from reality. I accepted what my professor said without question. Years later, I happened upon a book about philosophy. In it, the writer offered that, “Appearance is not apart from reality, it is a part of reality.” A light bulb went off in my brain.

Those of us who are enamored by substance – and we should be – often become dismissive of appearance. We claim that how something looks is unimportant. We only care about how it functions. While this utilitarian mentality sounds noble, it lacks a fundamental understanding of how people come to conclusions.

Some questions:

Would you go to a toothless dentist?
Would you go to a nutritionist who is obese?
Would you go to a hair stylist whose own hair looks like it had been styled with garden tools?

I suspect your answers to the above questions are no. But think about it. In each case, the above mentioned people might be very good at what they do. The issue is that they do not look the part. There is a lack of congruence. You see, for better or for worse, we take image into consideration when judging performance.

So, for example, if you are in business you might want to think about how your appearance affects your sales. An individual does not have to be a movie star to have a sound professional image. However, keeping in mind certain basics like grooming and neatness can go a long way to aid us in our endeavors.

Being able to accomplish something is not always enough to be successful. Frequently, we must look like we can accomplish it as well, in order to be given the opportunity to demonstrate our abilities. Is this fair? We will leave that philosophical question for another time.

Image: Idea go / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

*Authors note: You might see this column pop up online in a newspaper, under the name Both Sides. I am publishing this column here first at CYInterview.com. For a bunch of years, I have been writing newspaper columns. Since my columns have received a good response on CYInterview, I thought I would share it with you. Hope you enjoy.

You can reach me with your questions and comments at Jay@CYinterview.com

2 – Bamboozled is a word that does not seem to get used much anymore. Words come in and out of favor. Today’s cool word (is it still cool to say cool?) is often part of tomorrow’s embarrassing phrase. Thinking about this word, bamboozled, I wonder if someone, somehow, tricked me into writing about it. I am perplexed and puzzled by the thought of it.

3 – A man walks into a bar and asks for a napkin. The bartender, feeling like his establishment is being taken advantage of, gives a quick lecture on the tavern not being the paper goods section of the local grocery store. The man replies that he just wanted to have the napkin ready for when his drink was served. The bartender says no drink was asked for. The man says he was not given a chance to ask for a drink because he was being lectured about how the tavern is not the paper goods section of the local grocery store. Who is right and who is wrong? Does it matter? Assuming both the man and the bartender were honest in their intentions, what is the cure? What about better communication?

4 – When mysteries are revealed, puzzles solved and inventions created we tend to take the results for granted. Oh sure, initially we offer up praise. Soon after, however, we act as if those things were available to us all along. Hey, here’s a thought. Without an instruction book or the use of the Internet, go into a quiet room in your home. Sit down and design a computer. Then go build it from scratch. How do you think that will work out?

5 – A giraffe and a hippopotamus, distinct yet similar. People, distinct yet similar.

Image: Jomphong / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

*Authors note: You might see this column pop up online in a newspaper, under the name Both Sides. I am publishing this column here first at CYInterview.com. For a bunch of years, I have been writing newspaper columns. Since my columns have received a good response on CYInterview, I thought I would share it with you. Hope you enjoy.

You can reach me with your questions and comments at Jay@CYinterview.com

1.) Smile – When you walk down the street, when you speak with people or when you just casually say hello to someone, smile! This can be easier said then done. Just ask me. Because of my own self-consciousness and shyness, remembering to smile takes a bit of work. However, it is worth it.

No doubt, there are times I walk around looking like I am either constipated or angry – or both. I could make up all kinds of excuses about being wrapped up in focusing on something important or some such. Those would just be excuses though. When I remember to smile or I am reminded to smile, something interesting happens. People smile back.

When we smile at someone, we help to uplift their spirits as we uplift our own.

2.) Be a good listener – We learn by listening, not by speaking. Sometimes I am a good listener; sometimes my listening skills leave something to be desired. The fact of the matter is, I am interested in what people have to say and I do learn far more when I listen then when I speak.

There are those times, however, when I am so filled with enthusiasm and passion for something I want to express that I forget I was given two ears and one mouth and that I should use them in that proportion.

By listening to what another person has to say, we can make their day. The act of listening helps us not only to learn but to validate the importance of another human being’s thoughts and feelings. That is truly important.

3.) Find something to compliment – We might, at times, have a tendency of being too critical of both ourselves and others. When we meet people, discuss things with them, hear their life plans, etc., too many times our first impulse is to find something wrong and correct it. Sometimes, we do not articulate our negative criticisms, but they take us away from looking for the positives.

As teachers, coaches, mentors and parents we might feel our first order of business is to correct the errors of the person in our charge. Helping someone overcome their errors is important, no doubt. However, it absolutely pales in comparison to helping someone believe in themselves.

We must strive to first find what someone does right, and compliment that, before we become critical of the areas they need improvement in. Finding what is right and building on that lays a solid, positive base rather than attempting to build on the quick sands of negativity. This includes self-assessment as well.

Giving a sincere compliment to someone for a positive quality they possess or something they have done well can make their day. It can make ours as well, by reminding us to have a more optimistic outlook about life and ourselves.

On this last point I am on the right track. Additionally, I am smiling more than I used to. And, I am going to make it a point to listen more.

Image: digitalart / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

*Authors note: You might see this column pop up online in a newspaper, under the name Both Sides. I am publishing this column here first at CYInterview.com. For a bunch of years, I have been writing newspaper columns. Since my columns have received a good response on CYInterview, I thought I would share it with you. Hope you enjoy.

You can reach me with your questions and comments at Jay@CYinterview.com Like today’s column? Check back frequently.

Recently, I was rereading the book, The Crowd. Written by Gustave Le Bon and first published in French in 1895, it is an important work for anyone interested in persuasive communication, especially as it relates to groups.

Drawing from Le Bon’s book, I offer a three part breakdown of how effective messaging works. I am not quoting Le Bon here; rather, I am paraphrasing some of his concepts and adding my own interpretations:

1.) Make your message concise – If more than one hundred years ago it was necessary to communicate persuasive concepts to groups of people using tight, impactful phrasing, imagine how important the same concept is today. With the advent of the Internet and the subsequent rise of text messaging, we have become a society of people who are used to reading things that are short and sweet.

For maximum impact in advertising, for example, come up with a short, powerful, easy to remember slogan – it would not hurt if it rhymed – in order to get your message out.

2.) Repeat your message frequently – According to Le Bon, Napoleon thought that repetition was the most important tool in persuasive communication. In the selling profession we often say, “Repetition makes the sale.” In public speaking we are often taught to, “Tell the audience what you are going to say. Tell them. Then, tell them what you have told them.”

3.) Things catch on – Assuming, a concise, memorable message and the will and the means to have it disseminated frequently, at some point in time what is being said is going to catch on. How long does it take for things to catch on? It is difficult to say.

Take infomercials for example. Effective marketers often pack their infomercials with tight, easily digestible pieces of information. Then, the infomercials are run with great frequency. These program length commercials air when the presumed buyers of the product being advertised are most likely to be watching television. How many times does the average individual view an infomercial before making a purchase? More than once, I would guess.

However, after a period of repetition the product starts being purchased in increasing quantities. In advertising and public relations, we need a big enough budget to sustain a campaign until our messaging catches on via repetition. In sales, we need to endure all the no’s we will hear on the road to yes. This calls for capital of spirit.

Repetition makes the sale.

To see my open letter to former U.S. Comptroller General David
Walker, mentioning Gustave Le Bon’s book The Crowd, see here.

To listen to the CYInterview with Mr. Walker and hear his shocking
answer to Chris Yandek’s question about where the United States is
heading, see here.

Image: jscreationzs / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

You can reach me with your questions and comments at Jay@CYinterview.com Like today’s column? Check back frequently.

In many educational traditions, studying ancient cultures is considered an important part of developing a foundation from which to understand the workings of contemporary society.

Today, Persia is known as Iran while Greece is still known as Greece. Both Iran and Greece enjoy illustrious histories dating to antiquity. And now, these modern nations with ancient histories – tied in the public imagination to Alexander the Great – are at the forefront of the world’s challenges.

These challenges highlight the intersection of geopolitics and economics. Greece is struggling mightily with indebtedness which threatens the financial future of Europe as a whole. European leaders continue seeking a way to resolve Greece’s situation, only to find they are putting small bandages on an axe wound.

Iran, on the other hand, has pursued the development of nuclear technology which it says is for peaceful purposes but that a substantial number of nations doubt. They believe Iran is striving to create nuclear weapons. This has caused those nations to impose sanctions on Iran.

I am no prognosticator, yet in the case of Greece, I believe there is no easy way out of its economic struggles. The people of that nation do not want to live in a state of perpetual austerity. Yet, they have become accustomed to living on more than what they make. Something’s got to give.

Sooner than later, Greece may be forced out of the Euro and or it may, along with other European nations with unsustainable debt, set off a domino-like crisis of national defaults. The best Europe can work for at this time is a controlled crash for Greece and, eventually, for the other overextended nations sharing the same debt dynamics.

Meantime, if sanctions against Iran do not work and it continues to pursue its nuclear ambitions, it is well possible that military action may be taken against it. That a military conflagration may take place seems likely to drive the price of oil higher. Actual military action may cause a short term panic in the world’s energy markets.

So, we now live under the shadow of the Alexander Effect. Events in Greece and Iran – nations connected in history by the exploits of one of the great figures of history –appear likely to have a significant impact upon the world’s economic future, at least in the short to midterm. In Alexander’s time, Greece and Persia held great sway over the world’s trajectory. Today, we find ourselves again tied to what happens in those ancient lands.

*Authors note: You might see this column pop up online in a newspaper, under the name Both Sides. I am publishing this column here first at CYInterview.com. For a bunch of years, I have been writing newspaper columns. Since my columns have received a good response on CYInterview, I thought I would share it with you. Hope you enjoy.

You can reach me with your questions and comments at Jay@CYinterview.com Like today’s column? Check back frequently.

What is contemplation?

Contemplation is the act of thoughtfully observing, considering and reflecting upon things. We might contemplate the universe and its nature. We might contemplate our career path. We might contemplate any number of things. Do we, however, set aside some time each day for contemplation?

We live in a frenetic world, driven by rapidly evolving technologies. But, as I have said on other occasions, “Technological innovation without applied philosophical enlightenment is not progress. We need to evolve philosophically if we are to evolve at all.”

How can we become philosophically enlightened if we do not spend time contemplating things?

Excuses abound. Ask a person if they put some time aside each day to think and they will probably look at you like you have two heads and purple hair. I can hear the voices now, “Set aside time each day to think? Hey, that’s a nice thought, but I have to earn a living, clean my home, go to the grocery store and stuff like that. Sit around thinking? That’s funny. What world do you live in?”

These, of course, are the same excuses made for not exercising a little bit each day. “Do 30 minutes of walking each day? That sounds nice, but who has the time?”

We tell ourselves we have no time, not even 15 minutes a day, to set aside for quiet contemplation. In our hearts we know better. We know, deep down, that we have the time. What we really question is our discipline and dedication to thinking. It is just too easy to behave robotically.

We may be dedicated to our work. We may be dedicated to maintaining our home. With the passage of time, however, many of us lose the belief that we can dedicate ourselves to much more, even something as basic as walking 30 minutes a day or spending 15 minutes in contemplation.

The reality is that we can fool ourselves for a while. Then, in an unexpected moment, we find ourselves immersed in thought wondering why our life has taken the trajectory it has. Perhaps, systematic contemplation is the key to avoiding spontaneous regret.

Image: Evgeni Dinev / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

*Authors note: You might see this column pop up online in a newspaper, under the name Both Sides. I am publishing this column here first at CYInterview.com. For a bunch of years, I have been writing newspaper columns. Since my columns have received a good response on CYInterview, I thought I would share it with you. Hope you enjoy.

You can reach me with your questions and comments at Jay@CYinterview.com Like today’s column? Check back frequently.

Though, reportedly, her personal life was engulfed in various personal struggles, Ms. Houston’s music and acting entertained millions. She was an acclaimed artist, with Emmy and Grammy awards among other recognitions.

Some of Ms. Houston’s best songs include I Will Always Love You, I Wanna Dance with Somebody, I Have Nothing and The Greatest Love of All. You can still hear these hits on the radio, anywhere in the world today.

In The Bodyguard, Whitney worked opposite Kevin Costner and played a star stalked by a crazed fan. The film was a blockbuster, grossing over 400 million dollars worldwide. The music for the film, The Bodyguard: Original Soundtrack Album, was the second top selling pop album of the 1990s according to the Billboard charts. It received the Grammy for Album of the Year in 1994.

One of Ms. Houston’s other well known acting roles was in the movie Waiting to Exhale. On the soundtrack for that movie, Ms. Houston sang Count on Me with gospel singer Cece Winans. A song about friendship, it plays at the end of the movie.

In 2010, Ms Winans reflected on working with Whitney Houston on Count on Me in our CYInterview: [see CYInterview in its entirety here]

“Whitney is a dear friend of mine. We had been friends for a while before she asked me to do that song Count on Me and it was produced by Babyface – a producer I wanted to work with. So I got a chance to work with him and Whitney at the same time. We had worked together before, but to actually due a duet with just us, it was a great experience. She’s awesome. She’s still my friend and my sister who I love very much and Count on Me is still a great song that people love to listen to and they’re still playing it. It was really a great experience and great opportunity for me.”

At the time, CeCe also said the following to me about Whitney:

“You know, you hear the voice and the voice yes it’s like none other, it’s incredible, but the person is more incredible than the voice.”

Ms. Winans couldn’t have said it better about who Whitney Houston was.

RIP Whitney Houston. You were one of the greatest of all time and your music will keep inspiring us. You will be missed. And you will always be loved by your fans.

Image: jscreationzs / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

You can email Chris Yandek at ChrisYandek@CYInterview.com Chris is available for interviews to comment on anything featured on CYInterview.

You can follow Chris Yandek on Twitter at http://www.twitter.com/chrisyandek

The goal of business is to provide value to customers, via products and or services, and in turn receive value from them in the form of money. Essentially, business is, or at least should be, about the fair exchange of value for value. The goal of finding a soulmate, raising a family, participating in charity, exercising, as well as a myriad of other activities, is different than that of business.

However, while business has a distinct end goal compared to other endeavors, it is subject to the same fundamental principles that govern the rest of human behavior. For example, if you treat people poorly in your personal life you end up alienating them. Similarly, if you treat people poorly in business you do the same.

Conversely, if you treat people well in your personal life, you tend to make friends and be well regarded in general. If you treat people well in business, the same ends up being true.

Some businesspeople feel that being kind and courteous falls outside the purview of what business is about. I have heard owners of companies say things like, “I do not have to be nice to my employees; I pay them.” This is a defective attitude. What it breeds is discontent and disloyalty.

Ultimately, no matter what you pay a person, if you treat them poorly in your interactions with them, they are going to give less than their best efforts working for you. They may pay lip service to your goals, but that is all it will be. Many employees show up to work because they need the money, not because they love what they do. And if their boss is ill tempered and condescending, eventually they leave.

Sure, there are cases where a person works for a miserable boss, but they stay in their job because the money is too good to walk away from. Yet as soon as they have another opportunity that meets their economic needs, they are gone.

In and outside of the workplace, treating people well is a sound prescription for success.

Image: David Castillo Dominici / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

*Authors note: You might see this column pop up online in a newspaper, under the name Both Sides. I am publishing this column here first at CYInterview.com. For a bunch of years, I have been writing newspaper columns. Since my columns have received a good response on CYInterview, I thought I would share it with you. Hope you enjoy.

You can reach me with your questions and comments at Jay@CYinterview.com Like today’s column? Check back frequently.